Back in the Durty Duval. Sunshine, palm trees, slow drivers, and homicide. It's funny. I kinda missed it when I absolutely swore up and down that I wouldn't. I guessed I've carved out enough of a life here to stay after all. I feel good about my decision.
New York...a great city, but not the ONLY city. Now that I'm back home and I have time to think, I've come to the conclusion that I just wanted to try something different. I don't think deep down I ever wanted to move. I just wanted some excitement, some adventure. Whether it was getting wrapped up with an underground comedy troupe, getting chased by pitbulls in the slums of Prospect Heights, watching the fireworks from a rooftop in Brooklyn, singing karaoke in Korea Town, getting lost in Spanish Harlem, or staying punch drunk from whiskey, culture shock, overstimulation, or all three there was always something happening. I'll never forget the people I met, and I hope we stay in touch. The universe will decide. Beyond everything that happened during my two week stay, I left the Big Apple feeling fulfilled and satisfied.
NOW. That is that. I was convinced through and through that I would be moving about right now. I've been convinced of other things. I've been wrong plently of times. It's ok. I love surprises. I will teach again when I said I wouldn't. I will stay in Jax when I said I wouldn't. There are some things I will be doing differently, however.
Daniel and I have written between 20-25 songs in the last six months alone. Now that's not nearly enough, but it's more than the six we've totaled in the previous two years. So what we've decided to do is record another cd. It's happening this Thursday. I've already booked the studio and everything. I am beyond THRILLED about this. I have a very good feeling. Once this is finished we will start gigging. We've played a few art walks and open mics here in Jax, but we can do a little better with how often we play out.
I am hell bent on singing with the symphony chorus again. We're doing Brahm's Requiem! I can't even put into words how excited I am for this. I'm also planning on auditioning for the opera, Elixir of Love. There's just something about singing that's very basic yet so spiritual, especially with a chorus and an orchestra. It will be a great concert season.
There were times when I thought I was unhappy. It's strange how a person can beat themselves up over this or that. I was never unhappy. I just needed to try a little harder. It's been a year of growth. I'm ready to keep trying. Thank you, universe.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Why Am I Still Here?
It's 4:15 a.m. and I'm sitting on an air mattress. I've been sleeping on this air mattress for the last week now, and I was getting used to it until the heat decided to ravage the northeast. It's hot. I thought the south was hot. This heat is like nothing I've ever experienced. It was 99 today. I think it's 99 tomorrow. It's supposed to cool down later in the week. I'm looking forward to that.
I've been in New York a little over a week now. It's an enchanting city. There's lots of culture, art, etc.. If you've been here before, you know what I'm talking about. I think that's been my favorite part of New York. For the past two years I've sat at lunch and dinner tables with people I have absolutely nothing in common with. I have had nothing to talk to them about. We share no common interests. The conversation dies. Here, so far it's been a different story. I've met more actors, musicians, artists, than I have my whole life. It's great. It's like they all share this common bond, this common goal to pursue their craft in the self-proclaimed world's greatest city.
I can't really explain the experiences I've had here. I would try, but I'm sure I would fail miserably. It's been awesome and I'll leave it at that. I've been building this trip, this visit up in my head now for quite some time. I was sure that everything was going to work out, and I really believed that this was something I could do. But this was not that kind of trip. Basically, in a nutshell, shit just fell apart to be honest. See, if you know me you know that I'm attempting to move here. I want to live here. I want to live here? Anyways we found a place. It's a great apartment in a great location in a quaint Brooklyn neighborhood. I would go into the logistics of what exactly went wrong, but I'll spare you the details. I still had a choice, however, despite Murphy rearing his ugly head.
I decided that at this point in my life, the risk greatly outweighed the rewards. Plain and simple. And that's why I can't sleep. That and the fact there's no AC in my friend's apartment I'm staying in. I'm still thankful, nevertheless! I guess I'm a bit angry with myself for thinking so safe and boring. I just wasn't sure if this kind of life was what I wanted, and with a drastic life change such as this, I would need to be sure of it.
So now I'm looking to hop a flight outta this damn heat box back to Florida. And the tickets are just too pricey. I come back to Jax on Sunday. God damn where the hell do I go from here? I'm right back at square one.
What's done is done. It's time to move forward. I really feel like a chapter of my life has ended with the conclusion of this trip. It will be time for something new. Some people can and probably will say that I failed. That's true, I have. I set out to move here and I'm not. But it's a helluva lot better than not trying at all. It's somewhat of a moral victory if there is such a thing.
I've been in New York a little over a week now. It's an enchanting city. There's lots of culture, art, etc.. If you've been here before, you know what I'm talking about. I think that's been my favorite part of New York. For the past two years I've sat at lunch and dinner tables with people I have absolutely nothing in common with. I have had nothing to talk to them about. We share no common interests. The conversation dies. Here, so far it's been a different story. I've met more actors, musicians, artists, than I have my whole life. It's great. It's like they all share this common bond, this common goal to pursue their craft in the self-proclaimed world's greatest city.
I can't really explain the experiences I've had here. I would try, but I'm sure I would fail miserably. It's been awesome and I'll leave it at that. I've been building this trip, this visit up in my head now for quite some time. I was sure that everything was going to work out, and I really believed that this was something I could do. But this was not that kind of trip. Basically, in a nutshell, shit just fell apart to be honest. See, if you know me you know that I'm attempting to move here. I want to live here. I want to live here? Anyways we found a place. It's a great apartment in a great location in a quaint Brooklyn neighborhood. I would go into the logistics of what exactly went wrong, but I'll spare you the details. I still had a choice, however, despite Murphy rearing his ugly head.
I decided that at this point in my life, the risk greatly outweighed the rewards. Plain and simple. And that's why I can't sleep. That and the fact there's no AC in my friend's apartment I'm staying in. I'm still thankful, nevertheless! I guess I'm a bit angry with myself for thinking so safe and boring. I just wasn't sure if this kind of life was what I wanted, and with a drastic life change such as this, I would need to be sure of it.
So now I'm looking to hop a flight outta this damn heat box back to Florida. And the tickets are just too pricey. I come back to Jax on Sunday. God damn where the hell do I go from here? I'm right back at square one.
What's done is done. It's time to move forward. I really feel like a chapter of my life has ended with the conclusion of this trip. It will be time for something new. Some people can and probably will say that I failed. That's true, I have. I set out to move here and I'm not. But it's a helluva lot better than not trying at all. It's somewhat of a moral victory if there is such a thing.
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